Support a partner through panic attacks: what helps in the moment, what to avoid, and when to call for help

Your partner has panic attacks, and you are not sure what helps in the moment and what does not. For everything that comes before and after, they can record attacks on paper or in Sam. Through Friends & Family they can share chosen areas with you, read only.

In the moment, stay calm, stay with your partner, speak gently and breathe slowly together. Pressure such as "calm down" does not help. For chest pain, severe shortness of breath or fainting, use your local emergency number. This is general information and does not replace medical or psychotherapeutic advice.

Where this text says partner, it applies the same to a partner, friend or close person.

What does your partner experience in a panic attack?

A panic attack comes on suddenly and builds over minutes. The MSD Manual and the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) list symptoms such as a pounding heart, sweating, trembling, shortness of breath, a feeling of choking, nausea, dizziness, numbness or tingling, and the fear of dying or losing control.

The MSD Manual describes a brief period of extreme fear. Symptoms usually reach a peak within about 10 minutes and then ease off. Many people who have one worry it is a heart attack. Panic attacks themselves are not medically dangerous, but chest pain always needs an emergency check, as described below.

A panic attack is not something your partner is choosing or exaggerating. They experience it as a real threat.

What helps during a panic attack, when there is no script?

Most sources for relatives do not give a fixed script for the minutes of an attack. What is well supported is this: the attack is short, the fear is large, and pressure such as "calm down" does not help. It is better to talk on a quiet day about what helps.

In the moment, charity guidance such as Mind's suggests:

• Stay calm and stay with the person.
• Speak gently and keep your own voice steady.
• Encourage slow, deep breathing, and breathe with them so they can follow.
• Offer a simple repetitive focus, such as counting, or grounding.
• Suggest sitting somewhere quiet while the attack passes.

Grounding means focusing on the present through the senses. A common version is the 5-4-3-2-1 method: name 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, and 1 you taste. It helps the person shift attention away from the fear. Do not insist on any single technique, and do not tell someone to breathe into a paper bag, which some sources warn against.

You can write a short sheet together on a calm day, in your partner's own words:

1. What helps me during an attack: ...
2. What I do not want to hear: ...
3. My doctor or therapist and my next appointment: ...
4. Chest pain, severe shortness of breath, fainting, or anything new, stronger or different: we call for help without debating.
5. What you do not take over for me: the steps I have agreed with my therapist, such as a planned phone call, trip or shopping.

The sheet is a proposal for your conversation, not a medical plan. Go over it with your partner's doctor or therapist.

When is it not panic but a reason to call for help?

You cannot judge from outside whether chest pain comes from panic or from the heart. That needs a check. The doctor may do a physical exam and tests to rule out physical causes.

The NHS says to call 999 when someone has chest pain that feels tight, chest pain spreading to the arm, neck or jaw, or severe difficulty breathing. This also applies when your partner knows their panic attacks. When something is new or unfamiliar, call. The same goes for fainting or loss of consciousness. Use your local emergency number: 112 in the EU, 999 in the UK, 911 in the US. Do not "wait it out" dismissively when these signs are present.

What do you say, and what do you leave out?

Mind notes that people with anxiety are not choosing how they feel, and its guidance for helpers is not to push them beyond what they are comfortable with. Meeting the person with understanding is the better route.

Short sentences of understanding can help:

• "I am taking this seriously."
• "Tell me what helps you right now."
• "You are not overreacting."

You can leave out lines such as "there is nothing to worry about" or "nothing bad is happening to you". You cannot see what is happening inside their body.

Do you help, or do you take over too much?

Early on, it can feel loving to take everything over. You drive, you phone, you shop, and the trip is cancelled. The MSD Manual notes that avoiding feared situations is part of panic disorder, and that therapy teaches people not to avoid them. Staying present rather than fleeing the situation is closer to what therapy encourages.

That is not a push to force your partner into hard situations or to cut all help overnight. The helpful route is to stay in step with their therapist. If therapy calls for gradually facing a feared situation, you can support that step and let them and their care team decide how far it goes. You do not carry that decision alone.

How do you support the step toward therapy?

Many people do not go to a doctor or therapist because they fear being seen as weak or judged. You can make clear you do not hold that view, and support them in keeping therapy appointments.

Treatment for panic disorder is done by doctors and mental health professionals. The NIMH describes cognitive behavioural therapy as a research-supported talking treatment for panic disorder. A trusted person can come along to a conversation about treatment if the patient wants that, and writing questions down beforehand helps. The doctor appointment checklist for a chronic condition gives a framework.

For the appointment, your partner can note attacks briefly, without interpretation:

• Date and time
• The situation before, as far as they want to tell it
• Duration in minutes
• The physical symptoms they felt
• What happened afterwards

More on how to keep the diary for a doctor is in panic attack patterns: documenting for your doctor.

Can you see your partner's panic diary?

Whether you may see anything is your partner's decision. Asking is allowed, looking without consent is not. If they want it, it happens through Friends & Family in Sam. They invite you and choose which areas you see. Their panic diary counts as sensitive and is never pre-selected: they switch it on for you yourself. You see everything read only, as a snapshot, and you get no alerts about their entries. Either side can end the share at any time. You need Sam yourself. The doctor report is not shared that way.

Friends & Family is not an emergency channel. During an attack you are with your partner and do not watch the app, and for chest pain you call for help. More on the comparison with Apple Health is in sharing Apple Health data with your partner. Living strategies are in living with panic disorder: triggers and daily life.

Who helps you when it becomes too much?

An anxiety condition also affects partners and family. Anxiety UK has guidance and an information line for people supporting someone with anxiety. Mind in the UK has pages on how to help someone with panic attacks. Anxiety UK also lists support groups, and connecting with people in a similar situation can help.

If your partner talks about ending their life, take it seriously. In an immediate crisis, do not leave them alone and call your local emergency number, or go with them to an emergency department. You can also reach out to a crisis line for guidance, such as 988 in the US or Samaritans on 116 123 in the UK. When you feel overwhelmed yourself, it is fair to seek support too.

Record attacks for the appointment and for your partner

Your partner has a clear record for the appointment instead of retelling it from memory. In the panic disorder program they get their own diary with a doctor report and a monthly questionnaire, once they confirm that their doctor has diagnosed the panic disorder.

• Instead of a notes app or memory: date, time, strength of fear from 0 to 10, symptoms and situation are in one entry.
• Instead of a paper note only they see: through Friends & Family they share chosen areas, read only and revocable.
• Instead of screenshots for the appointment: the doctor report as a PDF summarises the period they choose, and they bring it themselves.

Sam only documents, sends no alerts about their entries to you, and is not an emergency channel.

Try Sam Health

Sam is a wellness companion, not a medical device. The app does not diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any condition or health state. Always consult qualified professionals for medical decisions.

Related reading

• Your partner has migraine: how to help
• Panic attack patterns: documenting for your doctor
• Living with panic disorder: triggers and daily life
• Sharing Apple Health data with your partner and family
• Finding a Therapist for Panic Disorder: Waiting Times

Sources

Updated: October 2026

• MSD Manual Consumer Version: Panic attacks and panic disorder
• Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA): Panic disorder and Symptoms of panic disorder
• Mind (UK): How to help someone with anxiety and panic attacks
• Anxiety UK: Supporting others
• NHS: Heart attack symptoms (page last reviewed 31 March 2026)
• National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH): Panic disorder: when fear overwhelms