Support a partner with migraine: what helps during an attack, what to agree in advance, and when to call for help

Your partner is lying in the darkened room, does not want to talk, and you are not sure what to do. Ask what helps right now and offer help instead of deciding for them. Many people find a quiet, darkened room helpful. Medicines are not your job, and a sudden, extremely painful headache or new problems with speech or vision mean you call your local emergency number. If the person with migraine uses Sam, they choose through Friends & Family what you see. It is read only, per person and per area. Sleep and HRV from Apple Health sit in the same app, a few taps from the entry, not in a separate spreadsheet.

This is general information and does not replace medical advice. Where this text says partner, it applies the same to a wife, husband, partner, friend or close person.

What happens during a migraine attack and how long does it last?

Migraine is more than a headache. The NHS describes a throbbing headache that is often on one side and can get worse when you move around. People also feel very sensitive to light and sound, and many feel sick or are sick.

An attack usually lasts between 4 hours and 3 days, according to the NHS and The Migraine Trust. That is why your partner may want long periods of quiet. It is not about you. It is about light, sound and pain.

Some people have an aura before the pain. The Migraine Trust says up to 1 in 3 people with migraine get aura symptoms, such as problems with sight, tingling, or difficulty speaking. The NHS says aura symptoms should not last longer than 1 hour.

Migraine is common. The Migraine Trust says about 1 in 7 people worldwide get it, around 10 million in the UK, and it is 2 to 3 times more common in women than in men. Most people are affected between the ages of 25 and 55.

What can you do and say during the attack?

Ask what helps right now. It is different for everyone, and the person most often knows best. The NHS suggests lying down in a darkened room, staying well hydrated, and limiting caffeine and alcohol. Many people find a cool cloth or a quiet room helpful.

Offer instead of decide. You can cancel plans, take over the children, or simply be quietly nearby. Ask once and briefly whether that is what they want.

Sentences that can help: "I believe this is more than a headache." "I am nearby if you need me." Sentences you can save for later: "It is only a headache" and "Haven't you drunk enough already?" No one needs a lecture or a set of questions during an attack.

Medicines are not your job. Which medicine someone takes and when is decided together with their doctor. If an attack cannot be treated well enough at home, that is a conversation with the person and their health care team.

What do you agree when things are calm?

It helps to talk plenty when no attack is running. Here is a short sheet you can build from the sources below. It is our suggestion, not an official form. The person with migraine fills it in, and you help if they want you to.

1. During an attack this helps me: dark room, quiet, cool cloth, being alone, someone nearby, something else.
2. Please do not: (in their own words).
3. My medicines are in my doctor's plan. You decide nothing about them.
4. This is what we agree you take over: (to fill in).
5. This is no longer a normal attack, then you call for help: (the signs from the next section).
6. If I cannot treat an attack myself, we go to a clinic or ask for care. Like this: (to fill in).

If the sheet hangs on the fridge or sits as a note on the phone, you do not have to bargain during an attack.

When is it no longer a normal migraine?

The list below is general information, not a self test. The NHS says to call for urgent help when:

• a headache comes on suddenly and is extremely painful,
• the person has problems speaking or remembering things,
• the person loses vision or has blurred or double vision,
• the person feels drowsy or confused,
• the person has a seizure,
• the person has a very high temperature with symptoms of meningitis,
• the person cannot move or is weak on one side of the face, arm or leg,
• the person has recently had a head injury.

Then call your local emergency number: 112 in the EU, 999 in the UK, 911 in the US. If something is new, sudden or different from usual and you are unsure, call as well. When in doubt, call.

This text cannot judge whether a symptom belongs to the aura or to something else. Trust the person's doctor for that.

How can you help at the doctor appointment without taking over?

There is no simple device test that proves or rules out migraine on its own. The doctor works from a history of typical attacks, so what the person can report matters. The NHS and The Migraine Trust describe a headache diary as helpful here. It records when attacks happen and the circumstances. It can help spot triggers and show whether treatment is working. More on what goes in a diary is in migraine triggers: sleep, stress and tracking.

If the person wants it, you can help write down the start and end, whether there was an aura, and what happened in the hours before. You do not write for them and you rate nothing. The diary belongs to the person with migraine.

It also helps to know that people find their way to the right treatment in stages. The NHS says you may have to try a combination of treatments before something works. That is normal, not a sign anyone is doing something wrong.

How do you stay informed without always asking?

The person with migraine decides what to share and with whom. That is Friends & Family in Sam. They choose a person they trust and the areas that person may see. You see it read only, as a snapshot, when you open Sam. You get no alerts about the data, and nothing is shared unless they invite you. Each person has their own share. It can be ended at any time, and then your access stops.

This is their offer, not something you set up or demand. It works without Sam too: a short message the person writes themselves when the attack is over is often enough. How sharing compares with Apple Health is in sharing Apple Health data with your partner.

Where do you find support yourself?

You are allowed to feel frustrated when plans fall through again. Talk about it when things are calm, not during an attack. The Migraine Trust (UK) offers a helpline for everyone affected by migraine and a section for friends and family. Caregiving advice is also in the wider doctor appointment checklist for a chronic condition.

Track the migraine days for both of you

You no longer have to count from memory how often it happened last month, or keep asking. Once a doctor has diagnosed migraine, the person can keep a migraine diary in Sam with a monthly check-in.

• Instead of a paper calendar that is not at hand during an attack: each attack is one entry with date, duration and aura.
• Instead of screenshots and notes: through Friends & Family the person shares chosen areas, read-only, and can end it any time.
• Instead of guessing at the appointment: their doctor report as a PDF summarises the period they choose. It is theirs and is not part of Friends & Family.

Sam is for the person with migraine. You need Sam to read, you get no alerts, and Sam does not replace a doctor.

Try Sam Health

Sam is a wellness companion, not a medical device. The app does not diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any condition or health state. Always consult qualified professionals for medical decisions.

Related reading

• Your partner has panic attacks: how to help
• Migraine triggers: sleep, stress and tracking
• Sharing Apple Health data with your partner and family
• New to migraine: diagnosis and first steps
• Workplace Accommodations for Migraine: Home Office

Sources

Updated: October 2026

• NHS: Migraine (page last reviewed 10 March 2026)
• The Migraine Trust: What is migraine? (last reviewed October 2025), Diagnosis, Help someone with migraine and Information and support service
• American Migraine Foundation: The facts about migraine and Headache journals