Finding care and support advice for aging parents when you live far away: who to call in the UK or US and what to settle first

Finding reliable care support for your parents is possible even from far away. In England and Wales, start with the adult social services team at your parents' local council, or with Age UK and Carers UK; Scotland and Northern Ireland route this differently, as set out below. In the US, start with the Eldercare Locator, which connects you to the local Area Agency on Aging. If your parents use Sam, they can share a read-only view of their entries through Friends & Family, choosing what to show per person and area, instead of forwarding screenshots or being quizzed on the phone.

This is general information, not legal advice. In the UK, Age UK, Carers UK and Citizens Advice point you to the right help, and the local council's adult social services team does any needs assessment. In the US, your parents' local Area Agency on Aging, reached through the Eldercare Locator, can point you to services and advice. Rules differ by country and by local area, so always check what applies to your parents.

Where to start in the UK

In the UK, care and support advice usually starts with the local council in England and Wales; in Scotland ask the council's social work department, and in Northern Ireland the local Health and Social Care Trust. Age UK says you get in touch with the adult social services department of the local council and ask for a care needs assessment. There is no charge for it, and you are entitled to one regardless of income, savings or level of need. A friend or carer can ask for an assessment on a person's behalf with their permission, which matters when you cannot be there in person.

After the assessment, a care plan is agreed if the council will meet the needs. A financial assessment, also called a means test, then works out whether your parents contribute to costs. GOV.UK adds that the assessment is available in England and Wales, and that a local NHS service, Citizens Advice or a charity may help you apply. Charities like Age UK and Carers UK also give guidance and can explain what a carer's assessment involves for you, the family member providing support.

Where to start in the US

In the US, the starting point is the Eldercare Locator. It is a public service of the Administration for Community Living that connects older adults and their families to local services. You can use it by phone, online chat or email. It links you to your parents' local Area Agency on Aging. USAging describes these as trusted local organisations, established under the Older Americans Act. They coordinate services for older adults and support family caregivers.

That local agency is the one to ask about in-home support, transportation, meals, benefits counseling and caregiver support in your parents' community. Because there are more than 600 agencies across the United States, each tuned to its area, the local one will name the services available near your parents. This matters when you live far away and cannot walk into an office yourself.

What to agree with your parents before you call

Talk to your parents before you contact a service. They decide whether, and which, help they accept. You offer to make the contact or to be present on the call if they want that. If you are calling about their needs, their permission is part of the picture early, because acting for them in anything formal needs their consent or a power of attorney.

Write down what you have noticed, with dates: falls, confusion over tablets or appointments, difficulty with housework, shopping or meals. Concrete observations help in any advice call and later in a needs assessment. You can read on the caregiver doctor-visit page how to turn what you notice into useful questions.

Prepare for the phone call or the assessment

Before a call, have the essentials at hand: your parents' full address, the GP practice name and phone number, and a trusted neighbour's number. If an assessment happens, Age UK suggests being specific about the help needed, such as help in the morning to get up and dressed, or reminders to take medication. Ask a friend or carer to be on the call too, so two ears catch more.

Make the call together with your parents by phone or video. One of them fetches the medicine packets, you type the list and read it back. That turns a dry question into a shared task. After the appointment, ask what was agreed and what changes. A fuller plan is in our doctor appointment checklist for a chronic condition.

Arrange appointments from a distance

Appointment prep is the part you can best take on from afar. A useful list includes symptoms, questions and all medications with doses, including over-the-counter items. On the day, your parent brings the list, and afterwards you ask what was said and what changes. This works as a short video call the day before the appointment.

If technology helps, you can go further. Our guide to setting up an Apple Watch for parents walks through the setup step by step. Where a value exists, sleep, steps and heart data can sit in the same app your parent already uses, which gives you a shared source of facts rather than a string of texts.

Coordinate with siblings and neighbours

If you have siblings, agree up front who calls when and who prepares which appointment, so your parents do not get the same question three times a day. Ask your parents whether anyone in the neighbourhood holds a key or could step in when needed. That is their decision, not yours. Keep the phone numbers of the GP practice and the neighbours where you can reach them fast.

Your parents decide what they tell you, who joins them at an appointment, and what they change with their practice. You offer time, organisation and a listening ear: making lists, arranging a neighbour, or finding the right advice. A read-only share through Friends & Family is part of that. They choose whether and what to open to you. You stay reachable, but you make no diagnosis from a distance.

When a call sounds serious

Some signs are not for waiting. With chest pain, shortness of breath, sudden weakness or numbness, or sudden trouble seeing or speaking, use the local emergency number right away (112 in the EU, 999 in the UK, 911 in the US). Keep your parents' exact address saved in your phone so you can give it in one breath. Symptoms that worry you but do not look life-threatening belong with a doctor, not with a wait-and-see call. Concerns that feel urgent but not life-threatening belong with urgent advice: NHS 111 in England and Wales, NHS 24 on 111 in Scotland, or in Northern Ireland the nidirect website. In the US, call your parents' doctor.

See the entries your parents share in Sam

You see from afar exactly the slice your parents choose to share, without asking for every detail on the phone.

• In Friends & Family the shared view of their entries sits read-only with you: sleep, steps, symptoms, medication or documents. Instead of phoning siblings and neighbours, you read a dated record.
• They decide what is visible and can revoke access at any time. Instead of forwarded screenshots, they stay in control.
• Where a value exists, sleep and steps from Apple Health sit in the same app. They only add what they know themselves.

You need Sam on your phone, you get no alerts about their data, and there is no live view.

Try Sam for free

Sam is a wellness companion, not a medical device. The app does not diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any condition or health state. Always consult qualified professionals for medical decisions.

General information, not legal advice. Laws, deadlines and agency practice change, and your case may differ. Before applications, deadlines and conversations with employers, insurers or agencies, get advice from an adviser or lawyer. Legal state: October 2026.

Related reading

• Doctor visit checklist for a chronic condition
• How to set up an Apple Watch for parents
• Talking to your parents about health
• Supporting your parents from a distance

Sources

Updated: October 2026

• GOV.UK: Apply for a needs assessment by social services (England and Wales)
• mygov.scot: Your rights as someone needing care
• nidirect: Arranging health and social care
• Age UK: Care needs assessment (last updated 18 February 2026)
• Eldercare Locator, U.S. Administration for Community Living: Home
• USAging: Find your Area Agency on Aging
• Carers UK: Help and advice
• NHS: Social care and support guide